A Place of Safety

Where do you run when you want to feel safe? When you feel the need to be protected, where do you go? Right now the place I feel most safe is my nice bedroom in my own home under my big fluffy comforter. I have been reading the Psalms a lot lately and was struck with how many times God Himself is mentioned as a refuge, a shelter, a fortress, a shield, a strong tower, a hiding place.... in other words, He is a place of safety. I decided to go through and note when God is mentioned like this in the Psalms. It is interesting to me that there is a contrast. Sometimes the safe place is hard like stone, impenetrable like the castles or towers people under siege in long ago times would run to for safety. Sometimes the safe place is soft like the feathers under the wings of a bird or like the everlasting arms. Both of these word pictures describe God as a place of safety. The only true place of safety for us. Psalm 91 shows both sides of this when it states: "...I will say of the LORD, " He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust." ... He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will take refuge; His truth will be your shield and buckler." So, as nice as my cozy room is, when I want to be in a true place of safety, I run to the LORD. How about you?

I have been running to the LORD a lot these past few weeks. Sometimes my prayers consist only of, "Help, help, help!" or "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I had the second monthly treatment with Doxil on the 18th. The after affects were nowhere near as bad as the first time but they were bad. It is a harsh drug. It attacks the digestive system while it is attacking the cancer (which was already attacking my digestive system) and it takes away appetite. This makes it very difficult to maintain weight or regain strength. The fatigue is dreadful. Nevertheless, I have seen small improvements in my condition as the days go by for which I am thankful. The nausea and dehydration are pretty much under control and I am able to move about the house a little more. My doctor is encouraged by my blood counts and that the cancer marker is once again going down. The plan right now is to have two more infusions of the Doxil and five more of Avastin and then do a scan to see what shows up.

Please pray that I will be able to tolerate the drugs and that they will kill the cancer. Pray that I will continue to be able to eat and gain strength. Pray for Greg and Charis who are working so hard as my caregivers. Greg has had to take on all the household chores including laundry, shopping and cooking while working full time and looking after me. He sees me at my worst and it is hard for him. Charis helps with shopping, cleaning and cooking as well as transport to the cancer center while taking care of her own house and family.

#cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #faithandspirituality

God Is Still Good

Even though I did not get much of a break from the cancer madness I am thankful for the two months I did get to enjoy the sun and the garden and the beach and my family. I relapsed at the end of July and since then have gotten gradually more ill reaching my lowest point about two weeks ago. I have felt so badly that I did not even have the energy to update. In spite of that, God has found ways to remind people to keep praying and they let me know and it is one of the ways I know that He is there looking out for me. I have been pretty much stuck in my bedroom but I can tell you that I know He is working for me, that He is close to me and that He speaks peace and joy to me through His word. I also know He understands my laments over my situation because one morning I asked what Psalm I should read that day and I heard 88 clear as a bell. Look it up if you want to see what my mood was like that day. (He knew!) He keeps giving me the word "Hope" in his word, through friends, and even on a wreath a friend gave to me. My hope is in Him.

This time I had many gastrointestinal symptoms from the cancer. It resulted in severe nausea, dehydration, being unable to eat, weight loss and weakness. I had genetic testing for a gene mutation which could have altered my treatment plan but I did not have the mutation. I do not qualify for any current clinical trials so that means my treatment options are limited. I began treatment (combination of Doxil and Avastin) the end of September and did not react well because of my already weakened state. This week we talked over all my issues and came up with a plan whereby I am taking certain meds and getting IV fluids twice a week and I have seen tiny improvements each day. Yesterday I began to feel restless being stuck in my bed and that I take to be a good sign. I moved to the sunny guest room for awhile to change my scenery.

Please pray that I will be able to eat without pain and that I will get a little stronger every day. Pray for the next treatment with the Doxil on October 18th. I did not have a good experience last time but I do not want to live in fear. Pray the cancer cells die...every last one of them! I know I am not fighting this battle alone but God and you are fighting for me.

#ovariancancer #cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality