Several people have said something to me which kind of goes like this: you are such a faithful servant of God at home and on the mission field, so why would God put you through such suffering? It is difficult to answer but I have been giving it some thought and have come across some ideas in my reading that may help.
"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. When A man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected), he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along- illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation- he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us." C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways," Isaiah 55:9
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outward man is decaying, yet our inward man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal (they will not last), but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 written by Paul
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation." 1 Peter 4:12-13
All the people I have quoted were better followers and servants of God than I and yet every one of them experienced trouble and hardship. Three of them were killed for their faith. There are many other examples in the Bible and in history. What do we conclude from this? If you have given over your life to God as His servant to be used as He wishes, it does not mean you will get special treatment or recognition (at least not as we think of it). God is working on perfecting us. He is also using us to affect those around us. God does not think or act like us. There are things going on that we cannot see or even understand. God is good and all this will somehow turn out to be good.
I recently completed a cycle of four months of Doxil and Avastin. It has been a rough time. The side effects are harsh and I feel like they made some things worse instead of better. I have told the oncologist that I do not want to do another four months on this plan. Still struggling with poor digestion, eating, and breathing but I have been able to maintain my weight and get around the house a little better. My cancer indicator has not dropped much which is disappointing. It is still around 900. I am scheduled to have another CT Scan on January 5th which should show us if the cancer has shrunk at all. We are at a crossroads now trying to decide what treatment plan to pursue. I would like to try an alternative clinic but although the cost is about half of what they bill me every time I walk into the cancer center, it is not covered by insurance so seems out of my reach. I am looking into finding some help locally from a naturopath or holistic doctor because I don't feel I can pursue an alternative plan on my own. Would appreciate prayer for these difficult decisions about treatment. Still looking with expectation to God for "spontaneous remission" otherwise known as "zero."
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
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