For the past two weeks I have been pondering dignity and thinking about what I should share about it. Caring for elderly parents and having cancer and being around a lot of other people who have it has taught me a lot about the importance of allowing people as much dignity as possible. Disease, poverty, and old age are some of the things that can strip people of dignity. I believe everyone needs some measure of it to feel human no matter how old or sick or poor. It can be disheartening to be around so much suffering especially if one is suffering herself.
I have been praying about a verse to share on the subject and after about a week, this is the one God put into my head.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look on the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
The reason I can have hope and I can grant grace and dignity to those I meet along the journey is because I know that, although it does not look like it, this suffering is light and temporary. I know that what can be seen is not all there is. In that spiritual realm which I can only dream about right now there will be glory that is exceedingly wonderful and that will never end. Any indignity I may feel or witness here will not even be remembered there. God will make it so. I believe Him. Do not lose heart.
It has been six weeks since my cancer surgery. I still have pain. I still cannot do everything I want to. I am still in healing mode. Nevertheless, it was time to start the second round of chemotherapy. Yesterday I had my second of nine treatments. Last week I could not even bring myself to update. I don't believe my side effects are as bad as I expected or as bad as some people I have heard about but they are there. I do not want to whine or complain but in the interest of honesty, I don't mind sharing what they are. It may actually help someone else.
I have been trying without success to find some information about other peoples post surgical experiences. As far as the surgery is concerned, I am improving, but I still have tenderness in the upper abdomen that makes it difficult to stand up straight, walk or breathe deeply. The scar is healing but tender. Just started wearing pants with zippers but have to have a layer of clothes between my tummy and them. Knitted tank tops I buy at Forever 21 for $2. work great. At first I had a lot of trouble with gas in the abdomen as well as the GI track. That is vastly improved after six weeks. I can only walk about two blocks without getting tired. Energy levels are low. It helps greatly when the weather cooperates and I can walk a little and sit outside on a sunny bench.
Chemo side effects are varied. I sometimes cannot sleep all night. Other times I am so tired I don't feel like moving. My brain is foggy and I have trouble remembering things. My throat is very dry, in fact, my whole body is dry. My hair was just growing back nicely and it will fall out again. I could feel my scalp tingling again after the first treatment. At least I haven't had to shave my legs. I get dizzy and mildly nauseous and nothing tastes right. My legs and feet sometimes feel tingly or numb. Sometimes my whole body feels numb. I have a port, which is a small button under the skin below my right shoulder. It facilitates drawing blood and receiving the drugs but it is often achy, itchy, and annoying. It is easy to get ulcers in my mouth and throat so I rinse with a salt and baking soda solution several times a day if I remember.
In spite of all this, I am acutely aware that I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderful support and help from my family and friends. It makes all the difference. Never a day goes by without someone telling me they are praying for me. I have a warm, comfortable home, clothes and all the food I need. God led me to a treatment center and a doctor that I feel are doing their best for me. He has provided a way for us to make payments with no interest on the medical expenses not covered by insurance. The therapy I am given along with the dietary changes I have made are actually killing the cancer cells. They are working for me. I am blessed. I refuse to lose heart.
#ovariancancer #cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality
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