Tuesday 29 December 2015 Several people who have been watching me on this cancer journey have told me that I am a strong woman. I know they are wanting to encourage me but I have a few thoughts on the subject. Here are a few of many verses on the subject of strength. " Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10 "Blessed be the LORD, because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him." Psalm 28:6,7 Remember that children's song? The joy of the LORD is my strength? It goes on to say that if we want this joy we have to sing for it. Some of us have forgotten how to sing. "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the LORD and in the power of His might." Ephesians 6:10 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 So it is not that there is any special strength in me but I know where my strength comes from and you can access it too. We had a lovely early Christmas with family and I felt well enough to enjoy it. It has been a rough week though. I had to have extra steroids due to reacting to the Taxil and they made me feel pretty awful. Also, this was my second treatment that included the Carboplatin and it was so many drugs and I felt like I was underwater and could not think. Sometimes getting out and walking helps with that but the weather is so bad I have been stuck indoors. Thankfully I am coming out of that now. About a week ago my hair began to fall out in big clumps. I have decided to take that as a good sign. If the chemo is killing those cells then it is also killing the cancer cells. I have an appointment with a salon to look at wigs today. Thursday I will be on treatment #5 which means I am past halfway through this part of the treatment and I only have one more with both drugs. People have been so kind bringing gifts and food and sending prayers and messages. I am blessed to know so many who care. Happy New Year!
Wishing you all the best of God's blessings in 2016!
Read this this morning. Psalm 37:39,40 "But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble. And the LORD shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him." Trusting with all my heart. Yesterday I was at Fox Chase all day for my third treatment. The doctor said he felt I had made a good start with not many problems. Then we tried omitting one of the allergy meds that I was reacting to and suddenly I had a problem. I reacted to the taxil. Could not breathe and turned bright red. They had it sorted within minutes and all is well but it cost me an extra hour so we were there from 10 to 5. I am thankful to have company with me every time I go. I take snacks (I must remember to take real food because it is a long day and I am usually starving by the time we get home.) and yesterday took Christmas cards to write out. My friend Beth brought crochet. I got to talk to several other patients yesterday, one of whom was named Cheryl Ann and when she found out there was another Cheryl Ann there she made a point of coming over to meet me. I also made an appointment with a wig lady but I am undecided if I want to get one or not. I had my hair cut short last Friday in anticipation of it falling out but so far I have not lost any. I happen to like hats and have a collection of scarves so may make do with those. There is so much indignity with this disease. So far I have had pretty mild side effects. I had a problem with dizziness last week but the doctor felt it was unrelated to the treatment. I tire easily and my sense of taste and smell is affected. It makes it difficult to eat so Iost 7 pounds the first week. I gained two back with effort this week. I am trying. People have blessed us with meals and that has been a big help. I am also trying to keep moving. I have been able to do yoga once a week and take walks with our dog. I hope to get back in the water soon at the YMCA. I have also received loads of cards and messages and some pretty nice gifts. I am feeling rather spoiled. I know people are praying. I can especially feel it Thursdays because I would never be that calm and patient if people were not praying. I keep looking for Divine appointments along this journey. Trying to keep alert for them. I am also trying to maintain an eternal perspective. Sometimes I slip and feel a little sorry for myself but it quickly passes and I believe that is because of prayer. Don't stop. When I am tempted to feel sorry for myself I look around and see all the patients at the cancer center and some of them are much younger than me and I feel for them and stop thinking about myself. After all, I have a delightful inheritance waiting for me. Wonder how many of them do.
One of my heroes, Fred Rogers, said that whenever there is a tragedy look for the helpers. They will always be there and it will encourage you. This is no exception. My helpers are all around the world. Some are praying. Some send cards and notes. Some phone or text. Some are bringing food or giving rides. Some are giving gifts. Some are nurses and doctors who care for me. I am thankful for each one. My first chemo treatment was Thursday. It was a long day. We arrived at Fox Chase at 9:15 and did not leave until after 5. It went as well as could be expected. I was given 7 drugs one at a time. Zantac was first to help my stomach with the rest. Then there were two allergy drugs, two anti nausea drugs and two chemo drugs. I don't know all the names but the chemo drugs are carboplatin and taxil. They are supposed to halt the rapid multiplication of cancer cells going on in my body. Unfortunately they kill off any rapidly reproducing cells healthy or unhealthy including mouth and throat and hair. I felt fine that day and Friday. I have felt a little rough ever since. I am doing my best to prevent the common side effects with drinking water and eating as well as I can. I don't eat sugar or white flour or white anything. I was already doing this before my diagnosis but now I am more strict with myself. I am eating more vegetables and fruit and less meat. I drink at least three cups of green tea a day. I also try to walk 20-30 minutes a day. I hope to continue my yoga class and a water exercise class twice a week once the port heals. There is a lot of waiting when I go for treatment and I am thankful for company. I take books, knitting, games and coloring books to pass the time. I also take drinks and snacks.
We were thrown into an unfamiliar world of treatments, research and statistics and we felt pretty overwhelmed. People close to us gave us good advice. St. Mary's where I got the initial diagnosis wanted me to move ahead quickly with treatment but we were urged to get a second opinion. I never ever wanted to do chemotherapy because it is so toxic but since the cancer is so advanced we had to investigate the options. One "natural" therapy place in Arizona looked promising but was $6000.-$8000. per week for 6-8 weeks. I also did not want to be away from my husband and the majority of my support for that long. Another possibility was a doctor in Houston who is developing an alternative therapy. I am still interested in him but again we would have had to pay $14,000 up front and it required 3 weeks in Houston with follow up visits. Since we live so close to Philly there are many options for treatment. We checked out University of Pennsylvania and Fox Chase. We got an appointment with Fox Chase first and were assigned to a doctor who worked at U Penn. He is the chief of gynecological oncology. We immediately had confidence in him and his plan for treatment. We had the port (this is a device planted under my right collarbone to enable blood samples to be taken and drugs to be administered) placed Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Wednesday the 2nd I had to have more fluid removed as I was having difficulty breathing. We are relying on the Lord to help and heal us. There are no guarantees with any therapy natural or otherwise. However, our research uncovered loads of helpful information about eating healthy and foods that help combat cancer. It is s battle and we are using whatever tools we can.
