Job's story has to be one of the strangest in the Old Testament. I just finished reading it, not for the first time. As I was reading it I felt knowledge, wisdom and intimacy growing along with questions... loads of questions. We are separated by time, culture, gender and so forth but Job and I understand each other. We don't need words. Eye contact will do. We are experiencing the same emotions. Job understands bewilderment. He knows that many times life just doesn't make sense. It gets even more perplexing when you think you are on the path that God directed and then things start going wrong. This seems to happen a lot. If I figure it out, I will let you know.
Anyway.... Greg and I have encountered more obstacles than success so far on this part of the journey. I have not been able to maintain the plan or try some of the therapy that was recommended. Last week, we drove to San Diego to have another catheter inserted into my stomach. It became infected almost immediately and I suffered a week with it then the doctor decided it needed to come out and sent me back to Saddleback Memorial Hospital where I have been since Wednesday. They are pumping me with IV antibiotics. I will be here until Monday and they are thinking of sending me home with the IV. We are confused. Do we need to extend the trip so I can have more consistent treatment? Do we find something else or stick to the plan? Do we give up? We definitely need wisdom to make some decisions but much of this has been out of our control. We are more grateful than ever for your prayers. If any of you are thinking like Job's friends, I have not sensed it. The bottom line...
"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God, Whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold and not another. How my heart yearns within me." Job 19:25-27
Friday, March 10, 2017
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Streams in the Desert
We have literally seen streams in the desert as California has not had this much rain in many years and everything looks green and there are wildflowers blooming along the roads. We still believe this is the path onto which God led us but it has been a difficult one with all sorts of obstacles. I have been wanting to update for awhile but one of our difficulties is there is no way I can be here by myself and Greg has had to stay with me. He is trying to keep up with his workload on this shared computer so I have tried to let him get on with it. I am ultra thankful he is here. He is a wonderful nurse and caregiver.
When we first got here there was a terrible wind/rain storm and many flights were canceled but ours made it by God's grace and we have been relying on His grace to get us through all the subsequent storms. Instead of getting treatment, I ended up in Saddleback Memorial Hospital for three days to try to get the intestinal blockage under control. It is still not fixed but it has improved I am able to eat a little solid food now. I began the drug regimen Thursday, February 24th. We are usually at the clinic from 9:30 - 3:30 every day. It takes hours to infuse the drugs and there are a lot of patients. We have met some really nice people. What I am getting right now is selicinium to kill off the cancer cells and mistletoe to repair DNA and build up immunity. They keep on increasing the mistletoe until there is an immune response. (like a low fever means your body is fighting) I also have probiotics and alkaline water and other drugs. My stomach began to swell up and be very uncomfortable so we ended up having to drive 85 miles to San Diego to have another catheter placed in the abdomen. That was Tuesday. Wednesday I was really bad all day but Thursday I made it to clinic. The incision site is very sore. This catheter also allows the mistletoe to be injected right into the abdominal cavity so it can fight where it needs to fight. Greg gets to do that for me on the weekends. I am in a lot of pain but I don't think that is totally bad. There will be pain from the die off of the cancer cells and healing of the incisions. Just trying to manage it as best we can.
I had an unpleasant experience yesterday with my first time in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber. They put you in a closed capsule like a little space ship and pump it full of 100% oxygen. It is pressurized so it causes your ears to pop like on an airplane. It lasted 45 minutes. It was not too bad at first but as time went on I started to panic a bit and thought I couldn't breathe and that they were not going to let me out before my air ran out. I don't think I will be trying that one again.
It is getting difficult emotionally for me. I have not had many good days lately to boost me up. I appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, verses, videos, etc, sent to cheer me. The battle feels intense. We visited a little church with friends the first Sunday we were here and, if the Lord allows me, we hope to go there again tomorrow.
The gofundme account did pretty well, although we have still not reached the goal. I believe with what was sent in and some private amounts given directly to us, we have reached $20,000. which is fantastic. We pay as we go here so it is working out so far. Please keep praying and sharing that we get just the amount we need.
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
When we first got here there was a terrible wind/rain storm and many flights were canceled but ours made it by God's grace and we have been relying on His grace to get us through all the subsequent storms. Instead of getting treatment, I ended up in Saddleback Memorial Hospital for three days to try to get the intestinal blockage under control. It is still not fixed but it has improved I am able to eat a little solid food now. I began the drug regimen Thursday, February 24th. We are usually at the clinic from 9:30 - 3:30 every day. It takes hours to infuse the drugs and there are a lot of patients. We have met some really nice people. What I am getting right now is selicinium to kill off the cancer cells and mistletoe to repair DNA and build up immunity. They keep on increasing the mistletoe until there is an immune response. (like a low fever means your body is fighting) I also have probiotics and alkaline water and other drugs. My stomach began to swell up and be very uncomfortable so we ended up having to drive 85 miles to San Diego to have another catheter placed in the abdomen. That was Tuesday. Wednesday I was really bad all day but Thursday I made it to clinic. The incision site is very sore. This catheter also allows the mistletoe to be injected right into the abdominal cavity so it can fight where it needs to fight. Greg gets to do that for me on the weekends. I am in a lot of pain but I don't think that is totally bad. There will be pain from the die off of the cancer cells and healing of the incisions. Just trying to manage it as best we can.
I had an unpleasant experience yesterday with my first time in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber. They put you in a closed capsule like a little space ship and pump it full of 100% oxygen. It is pressurized so it causes your ears to pop like on an airplane. It lasted 45 minutes. It was not too bad at first but as time went on I started to panic a bit and thought I couldn't breathe and that they were not going to let me out before my air ran out. I don't think I will be trying that one again.
It is getting difficult emotionally for me. I have not had many good days lately to boost me up. I appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, verses, videos, etc, sent to cheer me. The battle feels intense. We visited a little church with friends the first Sunday we were here and, if the Lord allows me, we hope to go there again tomorrow.
The gofundme account did pretty well, although we have still not reached the goal. I believe with what was sent in and some private amounts given directly to us, we have reached $20,000. which is fantastic. We pay as we go here so it is working out so far. Please keep praying and sharing that we get just the amount we need.
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Hope
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
I am holding onto hope because I am holding onto the God of Hope.
I wanted to update you about my condition and the search for the next step in treatment. If you ever have questions don't hesitate to ask. The two main things I have been dealing with lately are breathing problems due to a collapsed lung and all sorts of severe digestion problems due to a combination of cancer and the drugs they gave me. In case you are wondering, cancer causes inflammation in the body and that in turn causes a build up of fluid around the organs. They (Fox Chase) have not inserted a pleural catheter (a tube placed in my chest so draining fluid from around the lung is safer) yet because not enough fluid has accumulated since they last drained it but we will try again on February 8th. They are only treating the digestive symptoms and keep saying once I get into cancer treatment again, those problems will stop. I find this hard to believe since the last cancer treatment made the problem so much worse. I am having so much trouble eating and I continue to lose weight but diet and nutrition is not addressed. This troubles me.
We have looked into into clinical trials but we are finding out they come with their own set of difficulties, not the least of which is you don't even know if you are getting a drug or a placebo. My oncologist just keeps offering me different types of toxic chemo and insisting it is not toxic. The last one he offered was derived from mustard gas. I am done with chemo for several reasons. The side effects and toxicity are part of it but there is also the possibility that the drugs kill off some cancer cells leaving the more resistant kinds that don't respond to treatment and thus making the situation worse.
We have looked at and talked to people at five different alternative clinics. Three are in Mexico. One is in Texas and one in California. They all seem to have a more individual approach. They employ much of the same therapy but each seems to have a unique treatment they have developed. Through several cancer blogs I follow, I found the Cancer Center for Healing in Irvine, CA and was most impressed with them. After talking to the doctor there, I began to have hope instead of confusion. She is currently helping five other patients with very similar situations to mine and they are all doing well. She feels confident she can help me with a combination of nutrition coaching, simple therapy such as oxygenating cells, and non toxic medicine.
Problem is that since these treatments are not traditional, insurance will not pay for most of them. Although they are much less expensive than the usual treatment plans, the cost is a little overwhelming. So far we have been able to keep up with co pays and costs but now we are beginning to need help. I do not easily ask for help so that is one of the things God is teaching me on this journey and I have had to swallow my pride on many occasions in the last year. With some urging I decided to go ahead and set up a GoFundMe site to make it convenient for people who are interested to help. I set a goal but it will most likely cost more that that to be in California for three weeks to receive the treatment and then continue it at home. Consider donating, sharing the link to help us raise the funds, and praying God will provide this financial need. I know there are a lot of needs out there so I do not ask lightly.
www.cancercenterforhealing.com
www.gofundme.com/cheryls-hope-for-healing
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
I am holding onto hope because I am holding onto the God of Hope.
I wanted to update you about my condition and the search for the next step in treatment. If you ever have questions don't hesitate to ask. The two main things I have been dealing with lately are breathing problems due to a collapsed lung and all sorts of severe digestion problems due to a combination of cancer and the drugs they gave me. In case you are wondering, cancer causes inflammation in the body and that in turn causes a build up of fluid around the organs. They (Fox Chase) have not inserted a pleural catheter (a tube placed in my chest so draining fluid from around the lung is safer) yet because not enough fluid has accumulated since they last drained it but we will try again on February 8th. They are only treating the digestive symptoms and keep saying once I get into cancer treatment again, those problems will stop. I find this hard to believe since the last cancer treatment made the problem so much worse. I am having so much trouble eating and I continue to lose weight but diet and nutrition is not addressed. This troubles me.
We have looked into into clinical trials but we are finding out they come with their own set of difficulties, not the least of which is you don't even know if you are getting a drug or a placebo. My oncologist just keeps offering me different types of toxic chemo and insisting it is not toxic. The last one he offered was derived from mustard gas. I am done with chemo for several reasons. The side effects and toxicity are part of it but there is also the possibility that the drugs kill off some cancer cells leaving the more resistant kinds that don't respond to treatment and thus making the situation worse.
We have looked at and talked to people at five different alternative clinics. Three are in Mexico. One is in Texas and one in California. They all seem to have a more individual approach. They employ much of the same therapy but each seems to have a unique treatment they have developed. Through several cancer blogs I follow, I found the Cancer Center for Healing in Irvine, CA and was most impressed with them. After talking to the doctor there, I began to have hope instead of confusion. She is currently helping five other patients with very similar situations to mine and they are all doing well. She feels confident she can help me with a combination of nutrition coaching, simple therapy such as oxygenating cells, and non toxic medicine.
Problem is that since these treatments are not traditional, insurance will not pay for most of them. Although they are much less expensive than the usual treatment plans, the cost is a little overwhelming. So far we have been able to keep up with co pays and costs but now we are beginning to need help. I do not easily ask for help so that is one of the things God is teaching me on this journey and I have had to swallow my pride on many occasions in the last year. With some urging I decided to go ahead and set up a GoFundMe site to make it convenient for people who are interested to help. I set a goal but it will most likely cost more that that to be in California for three weeks to receive the treatment and then continue it at home. Consider donating, sharing the link to help us raise the funds, and praying God will provide this financial need. I know there are a lot of needs out there so I do not ask lightly.
www.cancercenterforhealing.com
www.gofundme.com/cheryls-hope-for-healing
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
Thursday, January 19, 2017
A Road in the Wilderness
Whenever God repeats something I have learned to take notice. This particular verse keeps showing up in my life so I am memorizing it and meditating upon it. "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19 This reminds me of a song... "God will make a way when there seems to be no way." As we begin a new year I am looking in expectation to see this new thing God is doing and to watch Him make a way when it seems impossible to us.
Early in January I had another CT Scan and a follow up appointment with Dr. Rubin at Fox Chase Cancer Center. The scan showed that the cancer had not been affected by the four months of chemotherapy I had endured. In fact, the cancer looked worse. I was offered a clinical trial with another chemo drug which after research and advice I rejected. I am done with chemo drugs and their side effects. I am convinced this last one made me worse.
I had been telling the staff for months that I could not breathe and it was greatly affecting my quality of life. When they saw the scan they realized why. My right lung was totally unable to function due to the amount of fluid (caused by the cancer) surrounding it. Dr. Rubin immediately ordered the fluid be drained which has it's risks. I can tell you it was extremely painful. Normal procedure is to drain then X-ray to make sure the lung is functioning. After the X-ray, I was quickly surrounded by doctors and informed my lung was collapsed and they would be keeping me in the hospital. Next thing I knew, I was laying on a CT Scan table while about 5 doctors and nurses inserted a drain into my chest so more fluid could be removed. I ended up in hospital from Tuesday until Saturday and although four liters of fluid was drained, they were still not satisfied because the lung had not expanded, so they sent me home with a portable fluid collector. My prayer was that my lung would expand. So just yesterday (1-18) I had an appointment with the pulmonologist to remove the drain and check the lung. God actually did a little miracle for me in that my lung is now expanded to 75-80% and the drain was safely removed. (I have before and after pictures that show the lung if anyone is interested.) I cannot tell you how happy I am that I can now breathe! I am able to do so much more.
Next step is to insert a smaller drain so it is safer to remove the fluid. That appointment is Wednesday January 25th. After that, a visiting nurse will come several times a week to drain the fluid in an effort to allow the lung to continue to expand and my breathing to normalize. The fluid will keep appearing as long as the cancer is present. We need the cancer to be gone!!!
Next appointment with Dr. Rubin is January 31st. This is to discuss treatment options. I don't know if he will have any. I was told about another clinical trial with a non-chemo drug but it was closed. I called another cancer center and was told they were not accepting any more medicare patients. I have also checked out several alternative clinics but the cost (not covered by insurance) is way more than we can manage. Please pray that God will make a way. Right now, the path looks pretty foggy to us.
#cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #faithandspirituality
Early in January I had another CT Scan and a follow up appointment with Dr. Rubin at Fox Chase Cancer Center. The scan showed that the cancer had not been affected by the four months of chemotherapy I had endured. In fact, the cancer looked worse. I was offered a clinical trial with another chemo drug which after research and advice I rejected. I am done with chemo drugs and their side effects. I am convinced this last one made me worse.
I had been telling the staff for months that I could not breathe and it was greatly affecting my quality of life. When they saw the scan they realized why. My right lung was totally unable to function due to the amount of fluid (caused by the cancer) surrounding it. Dr. Rubin immediately ordered the fluid be drained which has it's risks. I can tell you it was extremely painful. Normal procedure is to drain then X-ray to make sure the lung is functioning. After the X-ray, I was quickly surrounded by doctors and informed my lung was collapsed and they would be keeping me in the hospital. Next thing I knew, I was laying on a CT Scan table while about 5 doctors and nurses inserted a drain into my chest so more fluid could be removed. I ended up in hospital from Tuesday until Saturday and although four liters of fluid was drained, they were still not satisfied because the lung had not expanded, so they sent me home with a portable fluid collector. My prayer was that my lung would expand. So just yesterday (1-18) I had an appointment with the pulmonologist to remove the drain and check the lung. God actually did a little miracle for me in that my lung is now expanded to 75-80% and the drain was safely removed. (I have before and after pictures that show the lung if anyone is interested.) I cannot tell you how happy I am that I can now breathe! I am able to do so much more.
Next step is to insert a smaller drain so it is safer to remove the fluid. That appointment is Wednesday January 25th. After that, a visiting nurse will come several times a week to drain the fluid in an effort to allow the lung to continue to expand and my breathing to normalize. The fluid will keep appearing as long as the cancer is present. We need the cancer to be gone!!!
Next appointment with Dr. Rubin is January 31st. This is to discuss treatment options. I don't know if he will have any. I was told about another clinical trial with a non-chemo drug but it was closed. I called another cancer center and was told they were not accepting any more medicare patients. I have also checked out several alternative clinics but the cost (not covered by insurance) is way more than we can manage. Please pray that God will make a way. Right now, the path looks pretty foggy to us.
#cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #faithandspirituality
Friday, December 30, 2016
Servanthood
Several people have said something to me which kind of goes like this: you are such a faithful servant of God at home and on the mission field, so why would God put you through such suffering? It is difficult to answer but I have been giving it some thought and have come across some ideas in my reading that may help.
"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. When A man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected), he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along- illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation- he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us." C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways," Isaiah 55:9
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outward man is decaying, yet our inward man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal (they will not last), but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 written by Paul
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation." 1 Peter 4:12-13
All the people I have quoted were better followers and servants of God than I and yet every one of them experienced trouble and hardship. Three of them were killed for their faith. There are many other examples in the Bible and in history. What do we conclude from this? If you have given over your life to God as His servant to be used as He wishes, it does not mean you will get special treatment or recognition (at least not as we think of it). God is working on perfecting us. He is also using us to affect those around us. God does not think or act like us. There are things going on that we cannot see or even understand. God is good and all this will somehow turn out to be good.
I recently completed a cycle of four months of Doxil and Avastin. It has been a rough time. The side effects are harsh and I feel like they made some things worse instead of better. I have told the oncologist that I do not want to do another four months on this plan. Still struggling with poor digestion, eating, and breathing but I have been able to maintain my weight and get around the house a little better. My cancer indicator has not dropped much which is disappointing. It is still around 900. I am scheduled to have another CT Scan on January 5th which should show us if the cancer has shrunk at all. We are at a crossroads now trying to decide what treatment plan to pursue. I would like to try an alternative clinic but although the cost is about half of what they bill me every time I walk into the cancer center, it is not covered by insurance so seems out of my reach. I am looking into finding some help locally from a naturopath or holistic doctor because I don't feel I can pursue an alternative plan on my own. Would appreciate prayer for these difficult decisions about treatment. Still looking with expectation to God for "spontaneous remission" otherwise known as "zero."
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. When A man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected), he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along- illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation- he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us." C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways," Isaiah 55:9
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outward man is decaying, yet our inward man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal (they will not last), but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 written by Paul
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation." 1 Peter 4:12-13
All the people I have quoted were better followers and servants of God than I and yet every one of them experienced trouble and hardship. Three of them were killed for their faith. There are many other examples in the Bible and in history. What do we conclude from this? If you have given over your life to God as His servant to be used as He wishes, it does not mean you will get special treatment or recognition (at least not as we think of it). God is working on perfecting us. He is also using us to affect those around us. God does not think or act like us. There are things going on that we cannot see or even understand. God is good and all this will somehow turn out to be good.
I recently completed a cycle of four months of Doxil and Avastin. It has been a rough time. The side effects are harsh and I feel like they made some things worse instead of better. I have told the oncologist that I do not want to do another four months on this plan. Still struggling with poor digestion, eating, and breathing but I have been able to maintain my weight and get around the house a little better. My cancer indicator has not dropped much which is disappointing. It is still around 900. I am scheduled to have another CT Scan on January 5th which should show us if the cancer has shrunk at all. We are at a crossroads now trying to decide what treatment plan to pursue. I would like to try an alternative clinic but although the cost is about half of what they bill me every time I walk into the cancer center, it is not covered by insurance so seems out of my reach. I am looking into finding some help locally from a naturopath or holistic doctor because I don't feel I can pursue an alternative plan on my own. Would appreciate prayer for these difficult decisions about treatment. Still looking with expectation to God for "spontaneous remission" otherwise known as "zero."
#cancersurvivor #faithandspirituality #ovariancancer
Friday, November 25, 2016
Gratitude
Spent some time reading Kelly Minter's book, The Fitting Room, and studying Colossians chapter 3. I recommend it. Several times in Colossians chapter 3 we are encouraged to be thankful. This exhortation is also in most of Paul's letters in the New Testament. I am glad for the small word "in." We are told to be thankful in all circumstances which is different from having to be thankful for circumstances. We often experience hard things in life that really make it difficult to feel positive let alone thankful, but I can tell you from personal experience that developing gratitude in your life is very helpful. It is difficult to keep complaining or feeling negative about your circumstances when you start to name the things you have to be thankful for. Practicing gratitude can lift you right up and somehow make the situation easier to bear. So let me tell you a few of the things I am thankful for right now:
for God who is always ready to hear me when I call
for my husband who patiently waits on me daily
for my children who want to see me and help me
that my brother and his wife drove all the way from Arizona to see how I was
that I did not lose my hair again
for heat and hot running water and cozy blankets
for online shopping (with Christmas coming)
for friends who loan me good books to read
that I did not lose more weight at my last doctors visit
for my grand daughter's laugh when she walks in my door
Had the third chemo treatment Tuesday, November 15th. Harsh but hopefully effective. My magnesium has been low every time so they give it to me intravenously. My red blood cell count has also been low but the white is good. Dr. Rubin said he thought the tumor felt smaller and the Cancer 125 continues to drop although it is still pretty high. I feel weak and tired much of the time. I cannot eat without pain and everything smells and tastes different. There are times, usually when I am laying in bed, that my breathing is not strained and nothing hurts and that is when I remember how "normal" feels. I am always ultra thankful for those times even though they may only last a few moments. The fourth treatment is December 13th and I will update again after that.
#ovariancancer #faithandspirituality #cancersurvivor
for God who is always ready to hear me when I call
for my husband who patiently waits on me daily
for my children who want to see me and help me
that my brother and his wife drove all the way from Arizona to see how I was
that I did not lose my hair again
for heat and hot running water and cozy blankets
for online shopping (with Christmas coming)
for friends who loan me good books to read
that I did not lose more weight at my last doctors visit
for my grand daughter's laugh when she walks in my door
Had the third chemo treatment Tuesday, November 15th. Harsh but hopefully effective. My magnesium has been low every time so they give it to me intravenously. My red blood cell count has also been low but the white is good. Dr. Rubin said he thought the tumor felt smaller and the Cancer 125 continues to drop although it is still pretty high. I feel weak and tired much of the time. I cannot eat without pain and everything smells and tastes different. There are times, usually when I am laying in bed, that my breathing is not strained and nothing hurts and that is when I remember how "normal" feels. I am always ultra thankful for those times even though they may only last a few moments. The fourth treatment is December 13th and I will update again after that.
#ovariancancer #faithandspirituality #cancersurvivor
Sunday, October 30, 2016
A Place of Safety
Where do you run when you want to feel safe? When you feel the need to be protected, where do you go? Right now the place I feel most safe is my nice bedroom in my own home under my big fluffy comforter. I have been reading the Psalms a lot lately and was struck with how many times God Himself is mentioned as a refuge, a shelter, a fortress, a shield, a strong tower, a hiding place.... in other words, He is a place of safety. I decided to go through and note when God is mentioned like this in the Psalms. It is interesting to me that there is a contrast. Sometimes the safe place is hard like stone, impenetrable like the castles or towers people under siege in long ago times would run to for safety. Sometimes the safe place is soft like the feathers under the wings of a bird or like the everlasting arms. Both of these word pictures describe God as a place of safety. The only true place of safety for us. Psalm 91 shows both sides of this when it states: "...I will say of the LORD, " He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust." ... He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will take refuge; His truth will be your shield and buckler." So, as nice as my cozy room is, when I want to be in a true place of safety, I run to the LORD. How about you?
I have been running to the LORD a lot these past few weeks. Sometimes my prayers consist only of, "Help, help, help!" or "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I had the second monthly treatment with Doxil on the 18th. The after affects were nowhere near as bad as the first time but they were bad. It is a harsh drug. It attacks the digestive system while it is attacking the cancer (which was already attacking my digestive system) and it takes away appetite. This makes it very difficult to maintain weight or regain strength. The fatigue is dreadful. Nevertheless, I have seen small improvements in my condition as the days go by for which I am thankful. The nausea and dehydration are pretty much under control and I am able to move about the house a little more. My doctor is encouraged by my blood counts and that the cancer marker is once again going down. The plan right now is to have two more infusions of the Doxil and five more of Avastin and then do a scan to see what shows up.
Please pray that I will be able to tolerate the drugs and that they will kill the cancer. Pray that I will continue to be able to eat and gain strength. Pray for Greg and Charis who are working so hard as my caregivers. Greg has had to take on all the household chores including laundry, shopping and cooking while working full time and looking after me. He sees me at my worst and it is hard for him. Charis helps with shopping, cleaning and cooking as well as transport to the cancer center while taking care of her own house and family.
#cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #faithandspirituality
I have been running to the LORD a lot these past few weeks. Sometimes my prayers consist only of, "Help, help, help!" or "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I had the second monthly treatment with Doxil on the 18th. The after affects were nowhere near as bad as the first time but they were bad. It is a harsh drug. It attacks the digestive system while it is attacking the cancer (which was already attacking my digestive system) and it takes away appetite. This makes it very difficult to maintain weight or regain strength. The fatigue is dreadful. Nevertheless, I have seen small improvements in my condition as the days go by for which I am thankful. The nausea and dehydration are pretty much under control and I am able to move about the house a little more. My doctor is encouraged by my blood counts and that the cancer marker is once again going down. The plan right now is to have two more infusions of the Doxil and five more of Avastin and then do a scan to see what shows up.
Please pray that I will be able to tolerate the drugs and that they will kill the cancer. Pray that I will continue to be able to eat and gain strength. Pray for Greg and Charis who are working so hard as my caregivers. Greg has had to take on all the household chores including laundry, shopping and cooking while working full time and looking after me. He sees me at my worst and it is hard for him. Charis helps with shopping, cleaning and cooking as well as transport to the cancer center while taking care of her own house and family.
#cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #faithandspirituality
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