On Fear and Courage...

Last Sunday our pastor had us write this verse so we could meditate on it throughout the week. "Yes, be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9. This was especially helpful for me because I was fearful of this weeks treatment after feeling pretty rough the last time I had both chemo drugs. On Wednesday I had the special pleasure of hearing Margaret Feinberg speak at Spring Ladies Day Out hosted by America's Keswick. I took away much helpful information but the bit I held onto the most was about fear and love. Apparently studies were done on brain chemistry that showed that fear and love were controlled by different parts of the brain and could not be experienced at the same time. This verse in John agrees: "There is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear." So when I want to banish fear I need only remember how much I am loved by God and by people. I can be courageous knowing that the God who loves me is with me all the time. Another verse Margaret shared is from Luke 12: "Do not fear, little flock, because it is God's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Those are Jesus's words and so full of tenderness and promise.  

The last three weeks I have been feeling pretty weak. Had a good talk with my nurse practitioner and learned it was because my red blood cell count keeps getting lower and wont get better until chemo is over. The good news is I only have two more treatments and will be finished May 26th. My white blood cell count is slightly better but I was warned not to be around sick people or crowds. Oops! I was released to exercise again so doing yoga before treatments is very helpful for feeling calm. Nevertheless, I was apprehensive before treatment since I felt bad last time I had carboplatin. The day was beautiful and a good friend took me and we got to sit outside while waiting. The treatment went well but we did not get home until after 6. There was a nice meal waiting from another friend so I had some food and went to bed. I was able to sleep for 11 hours which was an unusual blessing. I do not feel too badly today. Unfortunately, the last time my cancer marker CA 125 was tested it had spiked over 500. We think it is because of dying off cancer cells and inflammation following surgery. At any rate it is not a reliable test. But, because of that, Dr. Rubin wants me to have another scan in six weeks and then he will see me again. Please pray for zero. Zero evidence of cancer and zero recurrence. I so appreciate your support.

Here is a recent photo I used to get my passport renewed. No matter what happens I can't imagine being without a passport!